He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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