People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
my poor anus
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
