and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
