did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
