I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize