I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
