yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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