Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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