In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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