toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
