ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
