proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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