Midget sex pt 2 tonight
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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