I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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