If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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