Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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