i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just want to make out with him forever
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
