How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
