Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
