I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize