So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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