At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
