Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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