Porn is love you can see.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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