god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nicole vs. Life
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
