every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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