I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
