I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
