The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize