dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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