Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
