if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she pinky promised me she was 18
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
