I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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