____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he told me I talked like a deaf person
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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