Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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