I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
