It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
