What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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