What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
time to smoke my breakfast
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
