dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
