I wish I could teleport
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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