i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
