Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
