Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
