You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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