shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
