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• (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with

  (217): View more from Illinois

  well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up

  Fav 64 912 3863

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever

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• (516): View more from New York

  ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront

  Fav 46 1398 4850

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette

  Fav 22 6365 1861

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.

  Fav 11 3310 1147

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• (209): View more from California

  Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...

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• (407): View more from Florida

  The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude

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