i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize