Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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