i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
