dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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