somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
