My Higher Power is John Stamos
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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