Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
