it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
