i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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