I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
