so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
