You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
soo... how was my night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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