I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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