Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
