I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
