her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
