Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
