At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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