So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
