I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
