Kiss
Puke
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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