It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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