any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
