If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
