I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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