Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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